the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
