my phone needs a breathalizer
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
