Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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