Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
jump out the window naked night went bad
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
