I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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