We're facebook friends in real life
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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