oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
