Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
