If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
