I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
