it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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