I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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