What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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