i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
