i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
