I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
