I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
is it fun? or sober?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
