I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
