I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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