Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Be still, my beating vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
