he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just want to make out with him forever
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
