sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
