her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
