I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
