It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
They are going to name an STD after you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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