he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
