DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
