i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
