Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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