You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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