i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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