remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
