My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
