the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
