You can't special order awesome
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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