it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
