My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
