nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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