he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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