She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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