I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
