I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
