his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
