Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
