dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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