yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
