I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
