What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
