What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
