I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
