I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
