she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
