did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
